About me

My journey

My journey of self-discovery started five years ago, when I faced a crisis in my life, on all levels: personal, relationship, professional. I didn't know who I was, what I wanted in life, or how to get what I want. I was confused, lost, with no sense of self-worth and a very disturbed sense of identity.

I was about to lose the only thing that I still somehow managed to keep in place – my relationship. Without that, I knew I would have snapped completely. I was literally losing ground under my feet. I wanted to go to a far-away land, but that was impossible, because I was way too scared of the unknown, and way too dependent on other people. So I had nowhere to go – but into myself.

Working on myself; school for healers

I started seeing a therapist and it helped me tremendously. Within a very short time, a month or two, I learned things about myself that helped me save my relationship. It was basically the issue of not loving myself, and then expecting the other person to give me that love, and in fact pushing them to do so. Once I let go of that expectation and started loving myself and gaining confidence in myself, the pressure on my partner receded, and I let him off the hook. He then was drawn to my new, more real, more content self, and wanted to be close to me. And so our relationship was renewed and strengthened, and it gave me a stabile basis, an anchor, for my further development.

I got enrolled into a school for psycho-spiritual counsellors and energy therapists, whose motto was "Healer, heal yourself first!". And that is exactly why I enrolled – I wanted to be healed. In that school I received a lot of support and acceptance for who I was (or who I thought I was at the time). And this is exactly what was missing in my life, not having received true love and support from my parents – at least not in the way I would have wanted to. I learned a lot about myself, about the dynamics of the psyche, wrong beliefs that we have about ourselves and life, and how those can affect all levels of our being, down to the physical.

The idea was to connect with the deepest, often suppressed, emotions, and express them in a safe environment, so that we can free the energy flow in the body, and with that, unleash our creative potential as well. Therefore we spent a lot of time working with the body, and that was also important for me, because I was constrained not just in how I defined and expressed myself, but how I moved, breathed and behaved in the presence of other people. So it helped me to open up and be more natural and more relaxed in contact, less focused on myself and more present for the other person.

We worked a lot with our lower self and patterns of resistance to life. We danced it, painted it, acted it out, expressed it in many different ways, so that it would finally give up and turn to light. But it wouldn't. At least mine didn't. I had an eating disorder which hounted me since I was 17, and no amount of psychological or energy work would make it go away. I knew all about it, the psychological background and everything, and I also knew that it didn't make me a terrible person, since I learned to love myself for my positive qualities. Nevertheless, it was a dark cloud that affected all areas of my life and diminished my creativity, my joy and my being in the world.

Confusion and search for a deeper truth

At that time I was reading a lot of self-help and spiritual literature, including the popular "Conversations with God”. It was beautiful and comforting, but I had a problem understanding what exactly is our purpose on Earth. It seemed as if we are already complete and perfect in Spirit, and we are here on a temporary journey, to experience various parts of the material realm, and then to return to our perfection in spirit. And that this goes on to eternity.

I could not understand why we would want to descend to a less perfect world and experience pain and suffering there, when we can stay in fullness and bliss of our spirit. Is it some bizarre game that we are playing? And why would God make it like that?

It didn't make sense to me, so I started searching for answers. And I found them, first through an outer teaching, but then gradually inside myself too. And it all made sense. I realized that we are spiritual beings, children of God, and that our core is indeed divine – that we are divine sparks. But we still don't have the full awareness of God, we are learning and expanding our sense of self, through cycles of incarnations in the material realm.

We also have free will to choose what we want to identify ourselves with (immortal spiritual beings or mortal humans) and what kind of circumstances we want to create in our lives. We are created in the image and likeness of God, and have the potential to become God in our own right, but this requires a period of experimenting, learning from trial and error, transcending our limitations and eventually making the right choices – the choices that will not only improve our own life but the lives of all people. And this is what God actually is – a fully conscious, loving servant of all.

What life is all about

So I realized that life is about expanding our consciousness, transcending our limited sense of self and making choices. It is about becoming More, more of God, and expanding the divine core that we are. Life is not just another experience in the material world, but it is an opportunity to grow. We are not here only to have fun, or to experience as much of the physical sensations as possible. We are here to become more of who we truly are – more of God.

There was a part in "Conversations with God” where Neale Donald Walsch asks God why is there darkness in the material world. And God replies that it is so that our light, our little candle, could be seen, because otherwise our light couldn't be noticed in the face of a much greater light of God. And so we need the contrast of darkness for our light to be seen.

Well, now I know that this is not the highest possible understanding. Now I know that there are two types of darkness, one neutral and innocent, which gladly receives God's light, and the other evil, which opposes that light and feels separate from it. We are here for two reasons: 1) to make a choice between God's light and the darkness which opposes it (this opposition can be inner - our ego self, and outer), and 2) to illuminate the neutral darkness with light, i.e. to create from an enlightened state of consciousness.

We could also say that we are here to choose between the Love that we truly are, and a false identity based on separation from God and denial of our True Self. We are here to see through the unreality of the ego - the unreality of separation from God - and step up to a higher way of living: to Being who we really are. Where we know that we are the light, and are here to expand that light.

Where I am now

I always felt my life should be about spreading the truth. What you see here is my so-far understanding of the truth, based on the teachings of universal Christ and my own inner realizations and experiences.

Understanding of the spiritual reality helped me to make sense of my life and find the will to Be who I am in God. It was the first step towards deeper, inner changes, which required letting go of my ego (the part which saw itself separate from God and even in opposition to God) and embracing the life in Christ.

I came to a point where I don't resist the will of God any more. I surrendered the illusion that the will of God is bad for me and wants to limit me. I also let go of the need to find fulfillment outside my Higher Being and my divine plan. I love who I AM and God's plan for me, and I am delighted to participate in the miracle called LIFE.

I was told by a spiritual intuitive that I serve on the 5th ray of God's Truth, Healing and Vision. What you see on this website is the beginning of my service to life, and it will hopefully inspire you to start looking within and connect to your infinite being.

Blessings and God speed on the path.

Sincerely,

Tea Kovacevic